Posts Tagged ‘Swank’

Tie Clips

These might be relics of your grandfather’s courtship of your grandmother. They may have played a small, but honorable, role in your being here to read about them. The patina of his pomade from that first night (or the carelessly carried whisky sours that would bring about the shotgun wedding) give them a dignity that has increased with age and would be conspicuously lacking in modern reproductions. A replica would be probably be (besides plastic) dismissed as ignominious kitsch to be worn only (and incongruously) with the ironic fez, Members Only jacket, and can of PBR.

The tie clip is, even more than the tie itself, a much deprecated accessory. Even though it corrects a common refrain I hear about ties (that they flap in the wind or dangle in your food) men rarely bother with them. But why improve the experience of donning a tie when one so thoroughly resents wearing it in the first place? To reduce the presumed irritation would be a terrifying move toward not hating it, or worse, liking it. I can only imagine the existential disaster to befall such a cretin: his haunted realization that he’s not quite the fleece wearing backward baseball cap slob he so proudly thought he was. With his sense of identity ripped out from under him, not to mention his false sense of class conformity, who knows how far into moral turpitude he might fall…if he’s lucky.

Next anachronistic accessory: the tie pin.


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